Changing Minds
by katierosefun
Summary: [Set somewhat modern.] The first time Anakin Skywalker saw Ahsoka Tano, he thought she laughed too much and looked too sad. [Rated T for sensitive topics regarding depression and suicidal thoughts. Anakin and Ahsoka friendship.]


**Right. I don't really know where the heck this fan fiction came from, but all I know is that I was up really, really, ****_really _****late last night and in desperate need to write something, even if it was confusing and...different. So that was a warning! *lifts hands* I'm sorry if this turned out to be really crappy, but I was - I was - *begins bawling into my pillow* I WAS TIRED AND EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED AND REALLY MISSED WRITING FOR THIS FANDOM, OKAY? (Plus, school has been a real pain in the butt. Quarter finals are coming up and I'm terrified. GAWD.) **

**Anyways. I hope you enjoy this to some extent. **

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><p>The first time Anakin Skywalker saw her, it was in a bar. He had just finished moving his belongings into his dorm room – first year of college and all that – and was willing to head into a more relaxed, calmer setting that he was used to. After all, Anakin figured he deserved a drink or two, especially since he was in college now. After three and a half years of doing nothing but studying and trying to turn his academic life around, (and finally getting into a decent school,) Anakin was in dire need of a bit of celebration.<p>

Anakin wasn't alone, either. He was quick to make friends with a sophomore – a ginger-bearded, passive, English-accented young man named Obi-Wan Kenobi who also happened to be his roommate. ("I'm not much for drinking," Obi-Wan had confessed when Anakin invited him along on the little trip. It took a few hours of wheedling to get his new roommate to come. Anakin could already sense a cheerful, bright future for the two of them. And most of the events which would happen in their time together would involve lots of persuasion from Anakin and lots of crazy adventures. But who doesn't love a good, crazy adventure in their early college years?)

So there the two were, sitting at a small, ovular table with rickety black stools and beers set out before them. "We _do _have lectures tomorrow," Obi-Wan said hesitantly, taking his glass. Anakin simply grinned and replied jovially, "I don't have a lecture until around ten in the morning. And lighten up; you don't strike me as the kind of person who gets drunk easily."

"Well, _no_," Obi-Wan admitted, still not drinking from the glass. "But it's our first day."

"And we already know so much about each other!" Anakin said brightly, taking a long drink from the beer. He gently placed it back down on the table and crossing his arms behind his neck, asked, "So why don't you tell me a bit about yourself? Might as well do it now and not when we're shirtless and getting ready for bed. _That _would be a bit awkward – we'd look like girls."

With a lifted eyebrow, Obi-Wan replied, "_Shirtless and getting ready for bed?" _

Anakin shook his head. "Forget I said that – I don't judge people for not sleeping with other clothes on," he responded sheepishly. He unwound his legs and added, "But come on – tell me a bit about yourself. The only thing I know about you is that you're older than me and you don't like drinking. There's got to be more to you than that."

Obi-Wan shrugged his shoulders. "Came from England," he said. He drummed his fingers lightly against the table and with a pause, continued, "I'm thinking of becoming an English professor when I'm older...and I'm friends with most of the people in the sophomore class, or I've been associated with them at one point or another. Oh, and I know a few people in the freshman class, if you want me to introduce you to some of them."

Anakin's lips twitched into a small smile. "Sounds like a plan," he replied. "But to be honest, I think I'll be the one making the friends…and you'll just give me the red light or the green light."

Obi-Wan shrugged again. "And I would think that's a good idea," he said. Anakin beamed. "I'm liking you a lot more already, Obi-Wan," he said, raising his glass again. This time, the sophomore exchanged the gesture and even took a quick drink from the beer. The conversation afterwards flowed easily after that – Obi-Wan turned out to be a rather good conversationalist with many interesting views, and Anakin learned a bit more about him afterwards, as well as he was sure that Obi-Wan was learning more about him.

It wasn't until Anakin started to look around the bar did he actually begin asking proper questions on the other college students. "Who's he?" he asked, pointing at a dark-skinned, serious looking man talking to a young woman with a tan-colored head-covering. Obi-Wan took one quick glance and grinned. "Mace Windu," he replied. "He's in his senior year now – a rather good fellow, but it'd be wiser not to get on his bad side. He can be _quite _disagreeable if you're not willing to listen to what he has to say."

Anakin grimaced. "Well, don't count on me becoming his friend any time soon, then," he said loftily and nodded his head at a pair of young women sitting at a table. Both had their hair twisted into intricate designs, though one was a brunette and the other was blonde. (And both of them, Anakin couldn't help but to note, were striking.) "Who're they?"

"Satine Kryz and Padmé Amidala," Obi-Wan said, a small note of bride in his voice. When Anakin looked over at him questioningly, the sophomore added, "Satine is my girlfriend…and I knew Padmé since I was in high school, so we get along well." Anakin bobbed his head up and down in acknowledgement. He flicked a glance at the brunette – Padmé – and commented, "Does she happen to be single?"

"Padmé? Last time I checked, yes," Obi-Wan replied. He laughed lightly under her breath and said, "But if you're planning on making _any _move with her, you might want to know that she's no pushover." Anakin flicked a thumbs-up at Obi-Wan. "Thanks for that," he said with a tight-lipped smile. In the next moment, Anakin's eyes were back to wandering around the dimly-lit room.

And then Anakin saw her.

She was laughing too hard. Eyes too wide, smile too big, gestures too animated-looking. Her blonde hair – streaked by blue – were gathered in two neat braids gathered around her shoulders, giving her a natural, playful look, but there was something that didn't seem too…happy to Anakin. Her bright, blue eyes were glittering, but again, Anakin wasn't too sure if it was from mirth or…something else.

Or maybe she had too much to drink.

Either way, Anakin asked, "And who's that girl over there?"

Obi-Wan smiled. "That's Ahsoka's Tano," he responded. "She's a freshman, like you, I believe."

Anakin's nose wrinkled. "Doesn't look like it," he stated. "She looks a bit young to be in college, don't you think?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "She's skipped a few grades." He pushed himself off his stool and stretching out his arms, added, "She's actually Padmé's roommate, so that's how I got to know her. She's a nice girl – a bit of a joker, but still good to hang around every once in a while." Anakin pressed his lips together into a smile. "Interesting," he murmured and dropped down from his stool. He dug into his pocket for his wallet and only looked up again to catch sight of this Ahsoka Tano again.

However, when his eyes scanned for her, he couldn't catch sight of the girl.

xXx

The second time Anakin saw her; it was a few months later and in a library. He was staring at his laptop screen, occasionally running his hands through his hair and agonizing over the fact that he had an essay due in roughly five hours and he didn't finish it. (And then there was also a dozen other homework assignments that he hadn't gotten to yet, because he was busy procrastinating and obsessing over other classes.) It wasn't until he heard the gentle scrape of a chair from across him did Anakin actually rip his eyes away from his laptop screen.

"Sorry – is this seat taken?" a soft voice whispered.

Anakin blinked up at Ahsoka Tano, only stunned by her sudden appearance. Do you ever get that feeling when you first hear a person speak, and you've already imagined what they'd sound like? And when they _do _speak, you're amazed and a bit surprised about what they sounded like? That was the feeling Anakin was getting at this very moment, listening to Ahsoka Tano. Back at the bar, Anakin had heard a great, loud laugh from this girl. But here, in this setting, Anakin wouldn't have ever thought that this person would be the same one as he had seen in the bar.

Still aware of the fact that he hadn't yet answered Ahsoka's question, Anakin replied, "No. You can take it." After a pause, he added halfheartedly, "And as long as you don't mind me occasionally swearing, I'm not too bothered by you sitting there, either." An odd expression flitted across Ahsoka's face – and a second later, she let out a polite giggle. "Is it for school?" she asked, sliding across the seat.

Anakin grimaced and with a nod of his head, replied, "Paper due for history class. I _swear _Professor Browning is out to get me."

Ahsoka grinned – this time a more genuine one than the laugh that she uttered a few seconds ago. "Well, to be honest, I think Professor Browning is out to get everyone." She commented. Anakin feigned shock and gasped, "No, really? I thought his hatred for students wasn't _quite _as obvious as he made it."

Ahsoka giggled again, and shaking her head, stuck out her hand. "I'm Ahsoka Tano," she introduced. Returning the grin, Anakin took the hand and replied, "Anakin Skywalker. I've seen you around – a friend of Padmé Amidala's, right?"

Ahsoka blinked, obviously surprised. "How'd you know?" she asked.

"I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi's roommate," Anakin replied. "And I think you might know that they're pretty good friends."

"Oh, _Obi-Wan_," Ahsoka nodded knowingly. "Yes, of course. He stops by our dorm sometimes." With that, she started to rifle through the contents of her book bag. Clearing his throat slightly, Anakin's eyes flicked back to his laptop screen. He managed to type down a few words and then asked, "So…how're you finding your freshman year of college so far?"

"It's alright so far," Ahsoka replied, her voice lowering. Anakin lifted an eyebrow and looked over his laptop screen to get a glimpse of the girl's expression. Not unexpectedly, Ahsoka's face hadn't lost its cheerful, shiny expression. However, Anakin _did _catch sight of something else – and it was the same _something else _that he had seen those months ago in the bar.

There it was – the flicker of sadness in Ahsoka's eyes, playing out before Anakin like a silent film. He watched quietly as the girl blinked her eyes frantically, and then braved on another smile. "It's fun," she said, looking back up at Anakin. "It's not as bad as I thought it'd be. I've been…doing these activities to keep myself busy in the emptier spaces of time."

Anakin smiled. "That sounds great," he replied gently, and he truly meant it. He couldn't explain what he felt towards this girl – it wasn't really an attraction, really, but more so a sort of…what…protectiveness? Fondness? Potential worry and concern?

But concern for _what? _

For the rest of the essay-writing session, Anakin lapsed into silence. He couldn't help but to notice that Ahsoka wasn't volunteering any words of conversation, either.

xXx

Anakin saw Ahsoka again, only it wasn't in a public setting. Instead, he saw her on the way to his dorm in the middle of the night. He was tired and worn from doing nothing but studying his eyes out in the last three and a half hours with textbook pages and HD computer screens. But then he passed by the girls' dormitories – and heard a loud, furious shout from down the hallway. Anakin stopped short in his tracks and turned around.

There, in the dark hallway, Anakin spotted a small, trembling figure sitting on the floor outside one of the doors. Anakin watched silently as the person pressed her face against her hands and let out another torn, wounded sob. She pounded her fists on the ground, and then she was grabbing at the door handle and clawing at the walls and making this awful, tortured wailing sound. Anakin felt chills run up his spine and took a few steps forward. He wanted to call out to the person – ask if she was okay, ask if she needed help. He wanted to _do _something.

But Anakin couldn't speak. He kept walking towards the figure until her features came into focus.

And that was when Anakin started to notice the familiar blonde and blue braids.

Ahsoka Tano's shoulders were trembling and her head was leaning against a door. Her arms were wrapped around her middle and every once in a while, she would heave out a shuddery, shaky sob and whisper unintelligible, quiet words. Anakin slowly lowered himself behind her and after a moment of hesitation, reached out and placed a hand over Ahsoka's shoulder.

The girl stiffened and in a terrified, high-pitched voice, whispered, "I'm not crazy."

Anakin felt himself sadden at those words. He closed his eyes and replied just as quietly, "I never said you were."

"No, I don't think you get it." Ahsoka replied. She still hadn't turned around. "I'm _not _crazy. I'm just tired." She pressed her knees against her chest and without warning, let out another low, moaning cry. "I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy…" She lifted her hands to her head and clutched at her skull, murmuring, "I'm just really, really tired. And scared. Oh, God, why am I scared?" Letting out a shaky laugh, Ahsoka added, "I think there's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me, there's something wrong with me…"

Anakin couldn't take any more of this. He tightened his grip over Ahsoka's shoulders and gently turned her around. "You're not –" His words got lodged in his throat as he drank in Ahsoka's image. Her face was streaked with tears, her eyes sunken into her face and her entire body shaking. Her watery eyes met Anakin's, and then she sobbed, "I think I'm going insane. Help me, help me, help me…I'm drowning and I can't breathe and I don't know how to _stop_." She clutched at Anakin's shirt, her head bowing down. "Please, just tell me how to make it _stop_."

Anakin felt tears pooling in his eyes. Chaos. That's what he saw now.

Chaos and sadness and something broken.

That's what he noticed when he first saw Ahsoka.

What a twisted thought.

xXx

Five years later, Anakin Skywalker found himself in the same position with Ahsoka Tano. Only it was in a completely different setting.

It wasn't in a school hallway.

It was on a rooftop.

It wasn't in private.

People were watching.

"She's on the bloody roof!" a person had shouted in the street. Anakin was only walking by – he was supposed to get to Padmé, (who was now his wife) and visit Obi-Wan afterwards. He was supposed to catch the train ride home and get some work done. He was supposed to do normal, everyday things. But when Anakin heard that person shout those words…those dreadful, heart-stopping words, he couldn't help but to look up.

And then he saw her again.

Her hair wasn't in braids anymore. Instead, it was fluttering around her shoulders, creating a halo of hair. Her dress flapped noiselessly around her shins, her arms outstretched like a bird about to take flight. Only this bird, Anakin knew, wasn't going to fly. It was going to fall…and hit the pavement.

The next few minutes were crucial. Anakin ducked into the building and sprinted up the stairs. His mind was racing as he came step after step closer to Ahsoka. Ever since her outburst in college, Anakin hadn't seen much of her. She was taken away from college around the beginning of sophomore year, and no one knew why. Some people said that she needed help, others said that she was going to go for a break from school, others said that she simply needed to re-connect with some people.

But ever since then, Anakin hadn't really given Ahsoka much thought. He had thought – he had _hoped _– that Ahsoka had drawn herself together and would handle the world just fine.

_God_, he was wrong.

When Anakin reached the top of the building, he was relieved to find Ahsoka still standing at the edge. The strangest thing about it all was that she was completely still – she wasn't shivering or trembling as she had when Anakin found her in the hallway all those years ago. She looked completely calm, at peace – at _goddamn peace. _

"Ahsoka!" Anakin shouted. He ran forward and grabbed the younger woman's arm. "Get down from there!"

Ahsoka almost instantly twisted her hand away from Anakin's. She turned to look at Anakin, her face blank. Anakin could still see the path of dried tears on her cheeks; still see the look of disorder and confusion in her eyes. "I remember you," she whispered, a weak smile gracing her face. "You were…the person…"

"In the corridor, yeah," Anakin replied quietly. He tugged at Ahsoka's hand again, this time a bit harder. "Remember? You were scared – and you were crying – and you were –"

"I'm useless," Ahsoka murmured. She turned back to the pavement – almost _longingly _– and whispered, "I remember that day, too. I'm still scared. Still lonely." Closing her eyes, she added, "Still sad. Still waiting…for something to happen." She tried to pull her hand out of Anakin's again. "Let me do this one thing for myself, please."

Anakin shook his head. "I'm not letting go of you, Ahsoka," he said firmly. "Just come down and we can…we can talk this out, alright? We can try to –"

"_No_," Ahsoka shot back suddenly. She turned back around, her eyes wide. "You…don't understand. I need to…to _do _this so…other people will be happy." She paused. It might have been Anakin's imagination, but Ahsoka's hand to give his a small squeeze. "Just a thought, you know?" she whispered. "I think this would just…make things better. Right?"

Sucking in a breath, Ahsoka turned back around and with a shriek, let herself fall forward.

But Anakin held fast, his hand clutched around Ahsoka's forearm. "I'm not going to let do this," he said. "I'm not going to let you…go on and try to take yourself away."

He watched as a tear slid down Ahsoka's face. Her grip was beginning to slacken. Anakin could see the crowd of people gathering in the street now. He could see people looking up at Ahsoka and Anakin, all gawking and gaping and occasionally shouting in fear for the two of them. Anakin closed his eyes. "Listen to me," he whispered. "Please, please listen. I understand, alright?"

"I understand – I've noticed you. I saw you before and I know." He slowly started to pull Ahsoka back to the roof. "Please," he repeated.

Anakin heard a long, drawn-out sigh from Ahsoka. He reopened his eyes and looked down. The younger woman was staring right back up at Anakin, only this time, she looked tired. She just gave Anakin a small nod and said softly, "Can you pull me up?"

Anakin gave her a small smile and without another word, brought Ahsoka back to the roof. The two instantly fell over to the top of the building, both breathing hard and holding each other's hands tightly. At that moment, men dressed in blue and black – police men – thundered up to the roof.

"Everything alright up here?" one of them asked, his brow furrowing. "We received calls of a suicide attempt."

Anakin turned to Ahsoka, who seemed to shrink to his side. She turned her head at Anakin, eyes wide. The older man – without so much as thinking through his actions – threw an arm around Ahsoka's shoulders. "There was," he replied. "But it's…better now."

The police man looked warily at Anakin. "Do I need to call a guardian for the person? Any person who might be able to help –"

"You don't need to do that," Ahsoka said suddenly. She lowered her hands back over Anakin's and said, "I already have a person who's able to help me right now."

Anakin felt a warm feeling spread across his chest. He gave Ahsoka's hand a squeeze and turning to the police officer, said, "Thank you for coming, though. Good day."

With that, he led Ahsoka down the stairs – and he didn't let go of her hand.

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><p><strong>AN - Done? Alright - I know that there were a lot of blurry, bewildering, grey lines in this story, and I did that on purpose. (And there was also the fact that I was very tired and very stressed, which I think might have leaked through in this story.) There's this entire vision of chaos that I was trying to capture, and I think this has been one of my more intense stories. And for people who actually _do _suffer from silent depression or panic attacks, this is what it feels like. Everything's out of order and confusing and scary and twisted. **

**And then there's people who actually see the ones suffering - the people who always get the vibe that there's something wrong and eventually save the person suffering. I was trying to put that in Anakin, and I hope you all were able to catch a glimpse of that. What - or what kind of people - Ahsoka was supposed to represent is fairly obvious, I think. **

**This is - I suppose - also some form of therapy for people who might be lost right now, too. I think there's a lot of people in this world who smile and laugh too loudly around their friends, but in reality, it's a silent cry for help. I hate to sound so...complicated (or not, who knows what I sound like to you right now,) and I know this isn't usually my style, but lately, I just feel like people should be exposed to this and know that they can help, too. **

**So. There you go. My justification for why I wrote this bit. **

** People who _do _happen to have it rough right now - Hold on, please. I'm sorry it's so hard for you to cope right now, but I promise it'll get better. I know it's said too much, but it will. Okay? *hugs* **


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